You're Not Stuck
From rom-com author to women empowerment advocate, Kat Addams guides women on the enlightened path to becoming unstuck. As a domestic abuse survivor, she tackles the nitty-gritty of what it takes to liberate yourself and embark on a journey to freedom from miserable situations. Kat’s no bull-shit approach to self-transformation includes shameless insights, progressive practices, and spiritual growth with a heavy dose of humor and f-bombs. If you’re looking for a sign to leave, this is it. You’re not stuck. Join the journey and start taking charge of your life by listening now. New episodes drop every Monday to start your week off strong. Also, Mondays suck. Kat's here to make it better.
You're Not Stuck
Finding Harmony Amidst Chaos: Balance, Decision-Making and Personal Growth Through Self-Care and Intuition
Have you ever felt the strain of juggling a stressful job, personal passions, and life's ever-looming responsibilities? You don't have to live with that stress!
Today we're diving into the realm of decision-making, both big and small. We'll look at the fear of saying no, the impact of FOMO and JOMO, and the importance of listening to your intuition. Using the Eight of Swords tarot card as a guide, we'll learn to understand our self-imposed limitations and comfort zones because you're not stuck!
Thank you so much for listening! I hope you enjoyed this podcast. If so, please leave a rating and review so we can spread the word to the women who need it the most. Below you'll find links to my website, social media, and resources for victims. If you believe you're in danger, please seek help immediately. There are people out there who want to help and who truly care. Myself included! You're worth so much more.
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It's time to wake up witches. I'm your host, cat Adams, and I'm here to remind you that, no matter where you're at in life, you're not stuck. You what is up, and welcome back to the show. So lots of things have happened since my last show that had given me perspective and Made me change this show a little bit, because this one was supposed to be about Huga Lagom Fika, and you're probably like what the heck is that? I some Swedish words that I will get into probably next time, but I really felt called to talk about what I'm about to talk about today. So we're about to get into it. But let me tell you what's going on in my life, and it's gonna be kind of a mixed bag of if you're feeling Pulled in so many different directions and you're having trouble saying no, or you're saying yes too much, or you're saying you're not saying yes enough, this one's for you. So let me tell you what happened to me and I will get on with the show.
Speaker 1:I have had a series of Wake-up calls in the past few weeks. I had a pretty traumatic event happen during a live meeting at work to someone not myself, and that person kept going on, brave face, right in the Heart of the battle, brave face and then broke down after. But that person didn't have to do that. That person could have Took the time at the time to break down when needed. But I get, I get that mindset where you have to be professional at work, you have to Push through right. Especially in American culture it's like you know, work, work, work, work, work, works, everything works. Not everything Works, not everything. Your family and your loved ones is everything. So it kind of put it into perspective like how far we go to To excel at our jobs and to you know, some of us, we, our jobs, our life and it really shouldn't be that way, especially if it comes to the detriment of your health or your sanity or you know something in your family. And I'm guilty of this and I talk about it all the time because I have such a stressful job. And, of course, then I do these other things right, like my podcast and my books and my social media, because I'm a high achiever and I like that. That fuels me, but I Do it Again to the detriment of my health. It's not healthy and I know this and it's something I continually work on because Lately my back has been feeling like it is on fire.
Speaker 1:Now. Usually when I'm in pain From stress, I get these knots under my back and I haven't had knots or not under my back, under my shoulder blades, and I haven't had the knots under my shoulder blades. It's more like my neck and shoulders are just achy, really, really achy, and I'm like man, I need to go get a massage. About 10 years ago I Was having these issues and I was looking for a massage therapist in Memphis and I met this man named James and I'm used to go into, like you know, a spa to get a massage or something and I was like I'm just gonna take this risk with this guy named James, who's this massage therapist in Memphis and there's one little tiny office building with no one else in there and I got a massage from him and during when I was I Remember the first time I was laying on my stomach, he was a massage on my back and he said something about my Scapula, but I heard scalpel and I like I was already on edge because you know, as a woman, like You're gonna be on edge if you go to a massage guy, an old man like out in the middle of no, we're building, you know, and you're gonna be home, hiler, and I was, but I was desperate because my back was killing me.
Speaker 1:I thought he said scalpel y'all. I thought I was about to be skin to laugh and this is gonna be a war Movie. But that was not the case, turns out, I had the best massage of my life and he was so friendly and so helpful. He pulled out this iPad and he showed me like where my Problem areas were, like where this muscle was in my back and what he was doing for it, and he gave me all these recommendations and then he charged me a very low amount and I think it was because he was just starting, so he was just getting Customer. So I got like my foot in the door at the right time and over the past ten years I've been going him off at home for a 90 minute massage and he only charged me for 60 minutes and he has been the only guy who was ever, or the only person who's ever, been able to massage Like all my knots out. He would put the cups on me. Sometimes he twists me into a pretzel. It gives me deep-tissue massages, doesn't charge me extra anything. It's amazing.
Speaker 1:And then I was having a problem with my neck at one point and I went to a bunch of different doctors and they were like I don't know, I think you got early onset Arthritis. They were just like brushing me off, not doing shit. I went to James for a series of like three. Like one time, three weeks in a row or something my problem was gone. This man was Magic y'all. He did way better for me than the freaking doctors, of course, and we just became friends like over the years, and I would really enjoy my time when I got to see him.
Speaker 1:Now as I started working, I didn't get to see him as much because I could only go on weekends. He was usually booked up and then on weekends, you know, I'm usually spending time with my family or something. I just couldn't go. And so fast forward to this past week where my back is killing me and I'm like nothing is helping. I have to do something. I have to go see James Now. Back in June I'm recording this in September.
Speaker 1:So back in June James reached out to me and he's like hey, I haven't seen you in a while. You won't just schedule an appointment, we'll do a 90 minute session for you you know an hour, as usual, I'll check your schedule. And I was like, okay, I'm gonna check my schedule, but I'm really busy and probably can't. He's like, just check your schedule. I Didn't have to check my schedule because I knew I was too busy and I just couldn't do it. But he never reached out to me in the past. That was a very, very odd Odd. Over the years I don't think he ever reached out to me once. But he reached out to me in June and he was like, hey, come in for a massage. He texted me that and I couldn't. I just I said I'd check my schedule but I'm probably busy, and that was the last I heard.
Speaker 1:So when I reached out in September like, hey, james, you know, do you have any sessions coming up on a weekend available? He didn't respond and he's usually very quick to respond. You know where this is going. I Just had a sinking feeling. So I googled his name and he died in August From I believe it was the lung cancer. This man was so healthy, y'all so healthy. He was like 76 years old, I think, and a runner and a swimmer and just it's such a wholesome guy. He's like mr Rogers. And he died and I pretty much crumbled at that news Because I didn't make the time in June when he reached out to me and course what's going through my head is like he knew he had to have known then and maybe he was just like saying his goodbyes.
Speaker 1:I'm reaching out to people for that one last Massage, that one last time, you know, to see someone and it's been tearing me up because I Did not make the time, because I was too busy with work, with my side stuff, the podcast with you know, my book stuff. Too busy, too busy for an hour and a half to visit a friend and get a massage. All that was a Bonus points visit a friend, get a massage, and I could not make the time for that and I had been needing it. I've been meeting it for months but I couldn't make the time and Now I'm never going to get that time, I'm never going to be able to see my friend again and he was a big supporter of my books, y'all. This 76 year old man would always talk about my books and like how are your books doing?
Speaker 1:I've been beating myself up over this and my husband is like you know, you didn't know, it's not your fault and I get it. No, I did not know. No, that none of that is my fault. But what is my fault is I keep doing this to myself where I I Say I don't say yes enough, and that's kind of what I want to talk about today, because it's been, it's been blocking me. So we're gonna talk about blocking yourself, saying no, saying yes, fomo and Jomo. So that's where I'm at today, so I've sound a little bit down. It's because I am, it's because I have these hard life lessons and wake up calls and it is what it is. But we can learn from it and I hope, by me telling you the story of how I was in a freaking asshole I did not make time for a freaking massage and look at what happened that you can learn from that and you can Learn that maybe you know if someone's reaching out to you and I know you're busy, we're all busy maybe just take a moment and Make that time. Now, of course I know that gets into like, hey, sometimes it's not healthy, right, it's not healthy, like I am a big supporter of Saying no, but now I'm also a supporter of saying yes, and that's where it gets confusing. Should you say no, should you say yes.
Speaker 1:You've heard of FOMO, the fear of missing out, and that's like you know you get anxiety if you're not doing what everybody else is doing. I had this on TikTok for the longest. I struggled, I had this love-hate relationship with TikTok because I don't wanna be on TikTok, because I feel like if I'm missing out on TikTok, then I'm missing out on book money, right, because that's how you advertise these days, apparently, if you're a freaking spicy rom-com author, spicy author of whatever, it's everything on book talk. And so I felt like man, I'm missing out If I don't jump on this bandwagon now. I'm never gonna get anywhere. And I struggled with that and I still do. But it's not good for my mental health because I'll get on TikTok and I'll stay on there for two hours. Two hours will pass like 20 minutes, and I'm like, oh my gosh, I have been scrolling this long and I could have been doing something like good with my life. But again then I'm like but you know what I needed, that I needed that time for myself because I've had a really hard day and sometimes you just wanna numb your mind and that's okay too, and then that's what it's all about. It's like feeling pulled in these different directions and how can you find a healthy balance? And I think you need to start with blocking yourself, as in are you blocking yourself.
Speaker 1:So I'm gonna talk a little bit about one of my favorite tarot cards, because it is the tarot card that I the first time I got a tarot reading in New Orleans. Someone pulled it and it the woman, the reader. She pulled it and it pretty much inspired my books and inspired this podcast. It inspired my transformation because it was such a heavy hitting card and it made me realize oh my gosh, that's so me. And it is the eight of swords. So if you've seen the eight of swords, it's a woman. She's blindfolded and loosely bound and she's standing in the middle of eight swords that are planted in the ground around her. It looks pretty brutal to me. It looks like she's trapped, which is what it's all about.
Speaker 1:It's about the feelings of restriction, limitation and entrapment. When this card appears in a reading, it means you're in a situation where you feel stuck or imprisoned, except you have all the things around you to get out of it. You know like you're blindfolded and you feel imprisoned, but, man, you got all these swords around you. You could do something about it. So it's like mental imprisonment, victim mentality, avoidance, feeling stuck, and it doesn't have to be that way. It's like limiting situations and blocking yourself.
Speaker 1:So if you get this card in one of your polls, you need to check in with yourself and say, hey, am I blocking myself? Is there something that I'm doing that is limiting where I wanna go? Is it me saying no to something? Is it me saying yes to something? And those are two things that are hard kind of to define and pinpoint what's blocking yourself. But you first need to know what is blocking yourself. So in my case and the story I just told you, my work, my work, blocks the shit out of a lot of stuff because it is an extremely stressful job. Just gonna put it all out there. I love my job, but it is hard. It is very, very hard. It is a very, very stressful, high pressure job and it blocks me with a lot of things because I am too tired a lot of times in the evening to do anything except collapse and that's not healthy and a lot of that's on me. I need to be better about saying things like no, I can't have that meeting at noon, because that is my lunchtime, that is my break and I need that break.
Speaker 1:So if you're feeling stuck, if you're feeling like this woman, imprisoned by your own mental creation, you're gonna have to check in and do a couple of things. Are you comfortable there? Are you staying in your comfort zone? I know I've said it before, but are you comfortable in the chaos? If you're in a toxic relationship, you're probably comfortable there. Is that what you know? Is that what you've grown up around? Is that what your parents did? Fight all the time? And if so, I mean that's your comfort zone. You don't know healthy relationships. You've never seen healthy relationships. You've never been around healthy relationships. The only thing that's been modeled for you is chaos and that's comfort. And sometimes when you go a little bit outside of the comfort and say you meet someone who is healthy and treats you in a healthy way, you might try to gravitate back towards the chaos and pick a fight because you're starting to feel uneasy if things are going too good. So you're gonna create some chaos and go back to feeling comfort and that sucks. You don't wanna live in chaos, but let me tell you this from personal experience you gotta get out of your comfort zone. To grow, you gotta get out of the chaos because otherwise you're gonna not experience any self growth.
Speaker 1:You have to step outside your comfort zone and do something for yourself. It is a mindset shift to go from something that you're used to to making a choice to do something for you. It's a complete mindset shift. You have to take a risk. There's uncertainty involved. You might be used to having a safety net and maybe there's no safety net on the other side and that's terrifying. Like, for instance, maybe you wanna it doesn't even have to go back to toxic relationships Maybe you wanna start some business oh, I'll take myself as an example.
Speaker 1:Maybe you wanna be a full-time author and so you start writing, but you can't give it your all because you're working this full-time job and that regular paycheck of a stable job is your safety net and that means everything. And you're terrified to take the risk of just putting your all into your books and marketing them. Now, I'm not recommending you quit your job and do this. This is please, don't do that. I'm just giving you an example of choices. Now, some people you know I personally know authors who are working full-time jobs and they were making on their books $25,000 a month and they were still working their full-time job. That, I'm gonna guess, paid them around like I don't know, four or 5,000 a month, but they were afraid to devote their time to the books because they needed that regular paycheck. Now, for me, $25,000 a month, I'm gonna make it work. I'm gonna say bye job, I am gonna figure out how I can make this full-time author thing work for me, because my time is better spent invested in this.
Speaker 1:So, again, you have to analyze your situation, your risk level, and maybe do something you're not totally comfortable with. Otherwise, how do you expect to grow, how do you expect to get out of your mental imprisonment if you're continuing to stay there doing the same thing? Isn't there some quote that says something like I don't know craziness, insanity or whatever is doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results. That's absolutely spot on. So what I'm trying to say is say yes to some things that come your way, but not everything is gonna be a healthy yes. Right, you have to go back again, analyze your situation. If someone's reaching out to you and you're like, oh, you know, I just I don't wanna do it right now, I don't wanna do it. Blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 1:Ask yourself truly, is it really gonna hurt anything if you do take that time for yourself? Now we're about to get into Jomo, or the joy of missing out, which is saying no, but really you're gonna have to sit down and think is this, could this benefit my life in some way? Am I saying I don't want to do this because of you? Know, I'm just too tired? Or I don't want to meet this person because of this? Now, if it's like a toxic person that's gonna hurt your mental health, then by all means please say no, protect your energy. But if you're saying no just because you really feel like you don't have the time, you do have the time. You can make the time. I didn't make the time for a freaking massage. How idiotic was I. And that's what I'm talking about.
Speaker 1:Say yes to something that you've always wanted to do and you keep putting off. Say yes to going out to brunch with the girls, even though you know, as you approach 40, you're like, no, I don't want to do it, I don't like that stuff anymore, I'm tired and I just want to stay home and my jammy's and drink coffee. I don't want to go out. Go out, try it, you might feel more connected and you need that stuff for your mental health too. You need some fun. That is a proven fact.
Speaker 1:And now we're going to talk about Jomo, which is Joy of Missing Out Again, opposite of FOMO, fear of Missing Out. It's about fighting contentment and disconnection and appreciating the present moment rather than feeling anxious about what you might be missing. I know I'm totally contradicting myself, right Cause I said say yes, say yes. Now I'm like say no, say no. You have to know the difference between the two and what works for you.
Speaker 1:So a little bit about Jomo is knowing your mental well-being. So again, someone contacts you. They're like hey, I wanna meet for brunch, but this is a toxic person. You know that's not a good idea. Don't feel obligated to say yes, because you're always saying yes and you don't wanna hurt that person's feelings. Protect your feelings first, just by saying. You know, by saying yes and no, think of yourself. It's not being selfish, that's being, that's being in tune, that's being self-aware, and that's what this is all about. You have to be self-aware. You know you're that eight of swords and you have to figure out how to get out of your mental imprisonment. Is it saying yes? Is it saying no? Are you a people pleaser or are you stuck in your comfort zone and you don't want to take those risks? Which one is it Now? Jomo is not like shunning all activities. It's just learning which activities to prioritize and which ones you really wanna do. Which one is truly gonna give you a genuine connection and help your well-being and your contentment. You're gonna be able to focus on what's truly helping you. So you can cultivate this Jomo with doing things like, instead of focusing on what you're missing out, on focusing on what you have, keep that gratitude journal handy.
Speaker 1:It's okay to say no to situations that you don't think you're gonna get anything out of or you truly know you're not going to get anything out of. Check in with yourself. Do you think you're not gonna get anything out of that? And like, for instance, I can tell you, weeks ago I had a social engagement that I didn't want to do. Y'all. I didn't wanna do it because I knew it was gonna be bad for my mental health, but I had to do it because I was doing it for someone I loved who needed me there, and I had to step outside of my comfort zone and do it and I didn't wanna do it because I knew it was gonna make me feel bad. But sometimes you're gonna have to make those choices and I'm so self-aware and in tune with myself. I knew it was gonna be a disaster. But again, someone I loved really needed me there and I was not gonna let that person down.
Speaker 1:So it's okay also to say yes in instances like that, because I'm thinking, yeah, this does not go for my mental health. But then again I'm also thinking, but this person means so much to me, like so much, and they're there for me all the time. So that would be one of those instances where I was glad, I said yeah, because if I lost that person and I didn't do this one thing they asked of me they never asked anything of me If I wasn't so in tune with myself and my relationships and my situations, and I said, no, I'm not gonna do that. For me that would be like a selfish thing to do because, yeah, I did not want to do that and I'm not being a people pleaser by saying yes to this person. I'm being genuine. So there was pros and cons to that situation, but I am self-aware, I am in tune, I knew what was gonna happen. I knew I had to go into that situation protectin' my energy. Y'all wore my crystals. Might've saved myself afterwards. I knew what I was getting into, but I knew the bigger picture here was supporting my loved one, and that is okay to say yes to.
Speaker 1:So am I confusing you yet? Because I'm saying say no, say yes, say no, say yes Jomo. You know, jomo like pick out, opting out. Let me see what is the definition of Jomo here Opting for fewer but more meaningful social engagements, deepen relationships and lead, which lead to richer social interactions, finding those genuine connections. You're pulled in so many different directions, and let me tell you how to make a decision when you know all of this. Should you say yes? Should you say no? Are you experiencing FOMO or Jomo? What do you do? Step outside your comfort zone or protect your energy and say, nah, fuck that, i'ma stay right here. And that's when you're going to check in with yourself. And I know I've been talking about me being self-aware. You have to be self-aware too.
Speaker 1:What are your values when you are faced with a decision? It can be any decision from hey do I have time to go meet my friend for lunch when I feel like dark-doodle energy around me. Hey, do I have time to go get a massage? Hey, do I have time to update my LinkedIn and find a new job? Hey, should I take this risk and go to a divorce lawyer, set up a consultation and see what happens and learn about all my options so I can divorce this mofo? I can't stand. Or should I just stay here and make him dinner Same as usual, because that's more comfortable? And I get super anxious when I think about divorce.
Speaker 1:When you're faced with these decisions that can come from you or can come from a text asking you, asking something of you again, clarify your values. Ask yourself what is essential to me, what are my core values? What do I enjoy? Is this an opportunity? Is there any personal growth in the decision I make? If I say yes or no? What is gonna propel me forward in my decisions? Is there any peer pressure involved? Do I feel pressure to say yes or pressure to say no? What's the worst outcome that can happen if I say yes? What's the worst outcome that can happen if I say no? Do my motivations for saying yes or no align with those values and also check in with your gut. You need to be aware of your intuition, like that feeling. You feel your gut feeling is going to be right 99.9% of the time. And, like I said, I knew this past social engagement when my gut feeling was, hey, you'll know. Of course it did turn out to be, hey, you'll know, it was horrible shit show. But I knew that going in and I have those feelings because I'm so in tune with myself.
Speaker 1:I'm not blocking myself out anymore with, like you know, when I had that Eight of Swords pulled, I was blocking myself out so much because I was extremely traumatized still from my divorce and things and I wasn't getting the help I needed, I wasn't doing the therapy I needed. I was literally telling myself I can't do this, I can't do that. And I totally could. I just I guess I didn't think I could, I didn't believe in myself, I was taking the easy way out and I was completely blocking myself. So get in tune with yourself. Ask yourself is this just me being a shithead to myself and blocking myself, or do I truly feel like I can't? I'm not going to do this? Not that I can't do this, but I am not going to do this because of these reasons right here.
Speaker 1:Think about your pros and cons with your decision. What are the pros if you say yes? What are the cons if you say yes? What are the pros if you say no? What are the cons if you say no? Visualize the aftermath of that decision as well. What does that look like? If you say yes to the social engagement? Visualize it. What is that gonna look like for you? Do you have any feelings in your gut that this might be a bad idea? Then maybe there's your answer.
Speaker 1:Visualize what it's like if you say no. Like, for instance. If you're like, get a text, oh my gosh, enjoy the PTA moms. And at this cookie bag and you know those PTA moms are a bunch of gossip and Karens and you're like I don't want to go to this stupid ass thing. What's that gonna look like if I don't go to that stupid ass thing? Am I gonna be sitting upstairs watching movies in my jammies, in some wine and enjoying not being a part of that gossip train? Visualize what that looks like. Does that make you happier than going? I don't know. You might meet a new friend there who also doesn't like the Karens but felt obligated to go. Visualize outcomes and see what comes to you and then you're gonna take all this information and you're gonna review it and you're gonna reflect on your choices and you're gonna reflect and see if it can be a learning experience for you or not and trust yourself. Trust yourself that your mental capacity, your intuition, your heart, mind, body, soul knows what's best for you, if you're truly in line with yourself.
Speaker 1:Go back and listen to the podcast about limiting beliefs, self-defeating attitudes and behaviors and self-sabotaging. It all rolls into the same thing. You're blocking yourself and only you know if that is a good thing or a bad thing. But I will say you're not gonna grow unless you do Say yes to those things that may be at first glance you might say no to because that's not comfortable to you or, as in my case, you're too busy. I hope, if you feel like you're pulled in so many different directions and you don't know how to say yes or no to a certain situation, or you're not polarizing you, or you feel like you're in this mental prison which is the whole point of this podcast Just know you're not stuck and you can use some of these things I told you in this podcast to help you in your journey, get to where you need to go and all of the past podcasts, especially these ones about, like meditation, visualization, this whole law of attraction thing.
Speaker 1:It's gonna ramp up If you use all those tools. It's gonna ramp up your intuition and your self-awareness, so these decisions are gonna come easy to you. You just have to be self-aware, check in with yourself and say yes to the things that will move you forward and say no to the things that will hold you back, and only you can figure out what the difference is between the two. Thank you so much for listening. If you love the show, please leave a rating, a review, and if you know anyone who also might love the show or who could benefit from this information, please be sure to share it and subscribe.
Speaker 1:The more we get this out to people, the more people we can help, and I truly believe there's so many women who need to hear these words, because so many women are filling stock. Also, if you're looking for me, you can usually find me on the ground at author Cat Adams, and be sure to head over to my website and that's catadamsadamswithadoubledscom. Subscribe to my newsletter for the latest information. Also, when you subscribe, you're gonna get a free novella. And just be forewarned, my Oronti romcom is as dirty as my mouth, so if that's your thing, go for it. It's super hilarious, but thank you again for tuning in. Until next time, please stay safe and I'll see you on the other side. Randy and I will.
