You're Not Stuck
From rom-com author to women empowerment advocate, Kat Addams guides women on the enlightened path to becoming unstuck. As a domestic abuse survivor, she tackles the nitty-gritty of what it takes to liberate yourself and embark on a journey to freedom from miserable situations. Kat’s no bull-shit approach to self-transformation includes shameless insights, progressive practices, and spiritual growth with a heavy dose of humor and f-bombs. If you’re looking for a sign to leave, this is it. You’re not stuck. Join the journey and start taking charge of your life by listening now. New episodes drop every Monday to start your week off strong. Also, Mondays suck. Kat's here to make it better.
You're Not Stuck
Raising Your Vibration with Scandinavian Practices: How to Hygge, Lagom, and Fika Yourself out of Your Toxic Relationship
Are you ready to keep romanticizing your life and leaning into those autumnal vibes within the comfort of your own home? Well, let's venture into my vampire lounge, a space my family and I created to get all into our cozy-fied lifestyle, and I'll tell you some practices that you should adopt. We'll start with talking about "Lagom" and how the Swedish culture uses this to find balance in their life. Then, we'll move on to Fika, a mid-day cozy, break. Lastly, we talk about my favorite--Hygge! All of these practices can be used to bring you joy in everyday life, and bonus---they won't raise any red flags if you're using this as part of your escape plan to freedom from your abuser. It's a win/win. So hold on to your butts, as we create comfort on the outside to bring us comfort on the inside.
Thank you so much for listening! I hope you enjoyed this podcast. If so, please leave a rating and review so we can spread the word to the women who need it the most. Below you'll find links to my website, social media, and resources for victims. If you believe you're in danger, please seek help immediately. There are people out there who want to help and who truly care. Myself included! You're worth so much more.
Also, some links in my show notes may be affiliate links. This means I earn a tiny amount of money if you buy a product I recommend. You should know, I never recommend crap.
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It's time to wake up witches. I'm your host, cat Adams, and I'm here to remind you that, no matter where you're at in life, you're not stuck you. Hello again, ladies. I hope you're all enjoying October, because I have a feeling this is probably your favorite month, like it is mine. You just can't beat October, usually, usually. But October and the south means we have fake fall, so it's been hot as balls, but I'm looking forward to the cooler weather that's supposedly around the corner. I don't know when it's gonna show up, but hopefully soon, because I am ready to get into my Cozy frame of mind, even though I've been forcing it over the last few weeks. Seriously, I think it was like in August.
Speaker 1:I started decorating my house for Halloween. I started making soup. I am in a ridiculous like soup and pasta phase. It's not good for my wife's son, but it's awesome, awesome. I've been forcing the autumn vibes and I have no shame and no regrets. But Soon, soon I get to go upstairs and my cozy vampire lounge, because I never go into that vampire lounge unless it's like cold outside. I don't know why I just have this thing with like I can't go up there and relax, unless it's just chilly out and I need to be cozy. I guess cuz that room so cozy and I still haven't posted my pictures of it. Actually, as of I'm recording now, I planned on it this weekend to finish it because I got my record player for up there coming and then I got the rest of my Stuff to put on my walls and then I was finally gonna do the big reveal. So I don't know if you've seen it yet, maybe by now posted online, but it's really fucking awesome and I recommend everybody Making a vampire lounge, just somewhere you can go, get cozy, put some light, some candles, put some music on, drink some wine and hang out with yourself, your man, your kids, whatever. I mean it's fun time.
Speaker 1:In other news, what's been going on with me lately? I have, I was down, I was really down in my last podcast because of what happened and that's thrown me for a funk. So I have trying trying to always, as usual, to the Romance in your life and comfort stuff which we're talking about today. So I did do. I celebrated the autumn equinox by Cooking a nice meal, one of those pasta dishes. I'm trying to eat more whole foods, even though I think I already pretty much eat mostly whole foods. My diet's pretty good. It's just like once a week I need Mexican food. That's where I screw up. But I'm not beating myself up over that one because, like I said, I've been needing some comfort and I have been trying to do the little things around the house just to brighten my days, to brighten my mornings, do those evening rituals, things like that, and I put a Celestite I think that's how you pronounce it beside my bed.
Speaker 1:I Don't know why. I was refreshing my protection bags you know all that stuff that you hang in your doorways and I was cleaning my house out and doing the whole automico knock stuff and I refreshed my nightmare bag. But I was like you know what? I'm gonna put Celestite in there because I heard it makes you like have vivid dreams. I Don't know why I didn't need vivid dreams, but I swear, ever since I put that thing in my bag, my dreams have been vivid, to the point of where I'm about to take it out and focus on going back to what I was using just normal protection against nightmares, because I haven't had nightmares, but I've had wild dreams that are just sad. A lot of them are sad, but they're not nightmares, they're not scary, and I don't know if it's because I'm about to turn 40 or what, but I've been thinking about death a lot lately, a lot, and it's starting to get to me Also because I lost my friend, but it's been getting to me.
Speaker 1:And last night I dreamed that I was in this boat with a couple of family members and we were outside and we walked outside the boat. It was like a houseboat and we turned around and it was just this big, huge wall like a wave wall. I don't know what's it called. I think I've seen it in movies or something. I don't know. But we knew we had like five seconds left and so we just started saying our goodbyes and then it crashed down and I just stopped existing. Everything just went black and it was okay, which is like oh, horrible for me to talk about and relive it, because in my dream it was just like I shut off. I don't know, maybe because I was reading something about people's fear of death. Some people fear like not knowing what comes after, and then people were like, well, it's just like before you're born, you don't know what happened before, then you don't even think about it. So it's the same thing, except it's after you die, and maybe that was playing out in my dream or something. I was just because the wall hit me and it wasn't like I wasn't drowning, I wasn't struggling. It was really sad because I said my goodbyes which is the worst part for me when I start thinking about this stuff but I just like, I just stopped, like everything just disappeared and I was okay. Everything was okay.
Speaker 1:How horrible would a morbid start to a podcast? I'm gonna take that crystal out, that protection bag. I don't need those kind of vivid dreams, because that was just too vivid for me, but that's, yeah, been on my mind lately. So I'm obviously still in need of those Mexican Margarita therapy Fridays and this lovely romanticizing your life stuff that I have been talking about, which is basically just finding your joy, because you know we're doing this whole podcast series on manifestation and raising your vibrations and how can you feel good and gain the self confidence to leave your situation and how can you have whatever spiritual I don't know what, did you wanna call it otherworldly whatever you believe and help to get you there.
Speaker 1:Speaking of, I'm finally getting those reviews back from my art team and people are loving the book and they're like go, you for getting you and your daughter out and helping others, and I feel so good. So that's one of those things. Okay, I need to focus on that, not that dream I had last night. It's all about finding your joy and it's easy for us to focus on the negative. You know like, for instance, I'll get a review on a book. I'll get like, say, 30 good reviews and one bad one. I focus on that one bad one. That's normal, but we need to train ourselves not to do that. So we have to be aware it goes back to those intrusive thoughts that I was talking about. We have to be aware of that stuff and then stop it, because that's not going to get us where we need to go. That's not finding your joy.
Speaker 1:So in this episode we're gonna talk about some Swedish, danish and Norwegian concepts that I have learned about a long time ago, that I have been implementing for a while, and some are quite new to me, that I've been working on, trying to implement into my lifestyle. And anytime I read about these other cultures, how they live, and it's just like so much more freaking, calm and peaceful than America, I'm like what is wrong with us over here? Like I don't know, I just. And then I think well, if I moved over there and I practiced these like in real life, would that affect me? Cause, for instance? Let's start off with the first one. Okay, let me read to you about what this is, and it is called uh-oh, lost it on my screen. Okay, here it goes, it's called Lagom. And let me read to you what Chagy Pt says about Lagom. It says it's a Swedish term that translates roughly to just the right amount or in balance in English. So Lagom is all about finding the right balance in life, which means not too little and not too much. Here are some key points Moderation At its core, lagom emphasizes the middle ground.
Speaker 1:It's about avoiding excess and extreme, for instance, when it comes to consumption. It's about having enough but not being wasteful. It's also about sustainability. Given its focus on moderation and balance, lagom naturally aligns with sustainable and eco-friendly practices. It encourages making choices that are good for the environment and society.
Speaker 1:Satisfaction Instead of constantly striving for more, legum promotes contentment with what one already has. It's about finding happiness and simplicity and balance. Work-life balance In the professional realm, legum can translate to not overworking oneself. Swedes often prioritize work-life balance, ensuring that they have ample time for leisure, family and self-care. You see what I'm getting at this is like, so not the American way. If you're in America and you're listening to this, it's probably a foreign concept to you, because it is to me. Design In Swedish design, legum can be seen in the functional yet stylish designs of furniture, architecture and everyday objects. The aesthetics are clean, simple and efficient, without being overly lavish or minimalistic. Thank IKEA, the Swedish company Inequality. Legum also pertains to a sense of community and fairness. It promotes shared responsibilities and benefits so that no one gets too little or too much To embrace Legum in your life.
Speaker 1:It's about finding a sense of balance. It might involve decluttering your living space, reassessing your consumer habits, setting boundaries to maintain a work-life balance or seeking contentment in your current circumstances rather than constantly aspiring for more. That is what I do. I am an overachiever. When I started learning about Legum, it sounds great, right.
Speaker 1:We watched a YouTube video on it. The way it was explained to us in this video, where they were interviewing people in Sweden, was like okay, someone said my wife got some job making a lot more money, but when she came home we saw a lot more money than me. Is this man talking. But when she came home and got her paycheck we noticed we both still made the same amount because she just got more taxes taken out, because you know they have a high tax rate over there, and I'm not knocking that. They have like a better quality of life over there, okay. So you can gotta make some choices here. And he's like so we figured, why try to keep climbing the corporate ladder? You're not making any more money, so what's the point? So they clock out at the end of their shift. They're not tied to their phone, they're not working overtime. And they showed like this is what people do at you know, four, five o'clock, whatever time. They stop work in the evening.
Speaker 1:And it was just a ton of people out in the street being like leisure at parks and sitting on patio sipping wine and just spending time with friends and family and laughing, and no one was in the offices anymore when work was done, when that eight hours or I don't know, did they even have eight hours? I don't know, they were just done. They were done with work and they weren't constantly striving to over achieve and part of me was like, oh my gosh, that sounds amazing If I'm not, if I'm not striving for more because I'm an American and I feel like I don't know. I thought that was basic human nature. Maybe it's not, maybe that's just the American way of life, or maybe that's just me, because I know I'm an overachiever to the point of where it's unhealthy. So it sounds great, but then I don't know if I could do it because I like hitting goals. And if I'm like not doing that, then that's, I don't know, I'm not happy. But then I'm not happy again, not doing that. Does that make sense? So yeah, I guess that means I totally have no balance. But I want to have the balance of lagom Also.
Speaker 1:Think of it like not too much, not too little. You know, you know those people when you're in, like I could say, you're in Costco and they're giving out free samples. Okay, over here in America there's those people who's they're going to take all those free samples it's, it could be a free sample for dog food and they don't have a dog. They don't want to go get that free sample. That's not lagom, you don't need it. Leave it for someone else. Like during the pandemic, remember how people were hoarding masks and toilet paper. That's not lagom. I hope I'm pronouncing that right. That's too much, that's excess, it's being greedy and they don't live that way over there and their quality of life If you ever look into, like Sweden, and you know their happiness and blah, blah, blah, it is wild compared to what we have here. So I highly recommend looking into some of these practices because they're going to make you find your joy. Even if you might not think so, give it a try.
Speaker 1:I'm already trying to figure out how I can do this, like maybe next year. I just don't do as much. I'm always writing books and climbing the corporate ladder and making these podcasts and doing all these creative things and I like it, but that's also not a part really of manifestation. I mean, yeah, you got to take action and do stuff like that, but you also have to let go of the control and just trust in the process, trust the journey, trust the universe is going to get you where you want to go and stop trying to control it. And I think that's part of my problem and it's not very lagom either. So I am a work in progress and I hope, if you're listening to this and you're like, hey, man, I kind of agree with some of that that you can also take some of this knowledge and apply it to your life, because we shouldn't be overwhelmed. We need that balance. We need not too little and not too much. We need moderation. So check out Lagom, definitely.
Speaker 1:Look up YouTube and listen to the Swedish people over there talking about it, because it just sounds. It sounds pretty amazing. Can you imagine how much relief that is to not strive for more, more, more like we do here in the good old US, of A Fine contentment and what you already have? It goes back to the whole gratitude thing too, like be happy and grateful for what you have now and let go of the feeling that you need more. And that feeling can come from a lot of places, like maybe you have some kind of comparison, it is syndrome, or maybe you don't feel like enough, so you have to show the world that you're enough, so you're constantly working. It's called toxic hustle culture, I believe, and it's like you glamorize being busy and that's not really the way to live. We could learn a lot from the Swedish culture because I don't know, as I get older, I used to want a big mansion. I still do, but part of me is like I just want to live in a cottage and be a four switch, and that is the opposite from excess. So I don't know, I'll take a mansion too. But yeah, moving on to the second concept, which is I just learned about, and it is called Fika. So Fika is another Swedish concept and it's one of the most cherished traditions in Sweden.
Speaker 1:The word Fika I think I'm saying that right, it's F-I-K-A Can be both a noun and a verb and at its simplest it refers to taking a break to have coffee, often accompanied by a sweet treat like pastries, cakes or cookies. But beyond just a coffee break, fika has deeper cultural and social implications. So it's a social ritual. It's essentially a daily ritual in Sweden, a moment to slow down, relax and enjoy the company of friends or colleagues. It's a designated time to pause and socialize. Also, it's all about connection. Whether in a workplace setting, among friends or with family, fika serves as a moment of connection. People gather around, chat and spend quality time together, strengthening bonds. It is a mental pause. Fika is also about taking a mental break in the hustle and bustle of daily life. It offers a moment of relaxation and rejuvenation. Also, unlike the typical once a day coffee break common in many cultures.
Speaker 1:Swedes often indulge in Fika twice a day, once in the morning and once in the afternoon Sounds amazing, and it's about setting. While. You can have a Fika break anywhere, there are plenty of coffee shops or ooh, I'm gonna butcher this pronunciation konditori, a cross-sweetened that cater to this tradition. The ambiance in these places is cozy and inviting, encouraging people to sit down and linger for a while and treats. Coffee is usually the beverage of choice, but tea or other beverages are acceptable too. The key is to pair it with something sweet. Cinnamon buns, known as I'm not even gonna try to pronounce that one are a popular choice, but other pastries or cakes are also commonly enjoyed. In essence, fika represents a broader philosophy about the importance of taking breaks, valuing social connections and enjoying the simple pleasures in life.
Speaker 1:Whether or not you're into coffee, the spirit of Fika taking deliberate breaks to connect and refresh is something many people can incorporate into their lives. Now can you see how that goes hand in hand with Lagom? It's like slow down and joy life and again. Go to YouTube, look up these videos on this. It's like it's a real thing over there, like even. I think they said it was like mandated in their government for like offices to do that, to have Fika breaks, so like in mid-afternoon or whatever you know, they'll go out with their colleagues or their friends and they'll go sit down and at a coffee shop and just chat.
Speaker 1:And I'm like, damn, that must be nice. Like here we are in America, refusing to even take a break if we're sick. We still going to work if we are sick and dying, and we do it like a badge of honor. I don't know what's wrong with us. And over there it's like, nah, dude, I'm gonna take a break twice a day. I'm gonna stop work at five. I ain't gonna look at my phone anymore. I'm gonna answer my phone for my boss. I don't know, did not hear. I don't know if this was in Sweden or somewhere else, but I think I heard where you can't your boss can't contact you after work hours or something. I don't know. It sounded amazing, but I mean, I don't have that issue, but I know a lot of people do. Still sounds amazing. And I ain't even talking about like the cake and pastries you can eat at this time. Now that seems unhealthy, right.
Speaker 1:So I have tried to do this Fika thing and I'm gonna be honest, I've had trouble finding time to do it because I am so busy all the time and at this point in my life I just have to do it when I can do it, because I'm trying not to beat myself up over how busy I am, because it's actually out of my control. I only really do this kind of work my podcasts and my book stuff on the weekends, because my weekdays are commuting back and forth to get my daughter to school and work and my work is very high pressure and stressful and it's a solid eight hours, if not more, every day. So I can't always do this, but I have been trying on slower days to incorporate this Fika and it is a game changer. It is a game changer and I bought these little like 110 calorie snacks so I'm not eating like a 600 calorie pastry every day. That would be horrible for me. So I highly recommend, if you wanna do it and make it healthy, go get you a little cookie or something and have your tea and cookie or your coffee and cookie and just take a midday break.
Speaker 1:Now, this one's also about like being social and when I've done this, since my husband also works from home I go upstairs and we both Fika on the couch. We Fika together. You know, because I don't work in an office, but I have to admit I am kind of a lone wolf. I keep a very small circle. There's very few people I wanna Fika with, so I think it's okay to Fika alone if that's what you wanna do. I know that's not what it's about. I think connection's great, but if you're introverted like me and you enjoy a alone time, maybe you don't get a lot of alone time. Go Fika yourself.
Speaker 1:So, moving on to the last concept, which is also my favorite, and I have a hard time pronouncing this when I first saw the word I pronounced it Higi, it's H-Y-G-G-E and it's actually pronounced Huga. And you've probably already heard about it because it was like going crazy in social media Years ago. But this is also gonna tie into the other two. So let me tell you about Huga. It's a Danish and Norwegian concept that doesn't have a direct translation of many languages, but it essentially describes a feeling of cozy, contentment and well-being, enjoying the simple things in life. Here are some aspects and ways to understand and embrace Huga Coziness think of the warmth of Canada.
Speaker 1:And coziness think of the warmth of candlelight, soft blankets and a crackling fireplace. Huga is often associated with a cozy environment that provides a feeling of comfort and safety. Presence is about being present and savoring the moment, whether it's spending quality time with loved ones or enjoying a solo moment with a good book. It's the feeling of being immersed in content, in the moment. Pleasure, enjoying simple pleasures like a warm cup of tea, chocolate or freshly baked bread can be very Huga, like a Fika. It's about savoring these little joys that life offers. Harmony it's not about bragging or competing, but about being in harmony with the ones surrounding and with others, like legum Comfort, which is my big thing. It's creating a space where you feel comfortable and at ease. It's central to the concept. This means surrounding yourself with soft pillows, warm lighting or familiar and beloved items. And then also peacefulness is about taking a break from the hustle and bustle of daily life, slowing down simplicity. It's about returning to simpler times and pleasures in natural elements, incorporating elements of nature, whether it's wood, wool, stone or plants. They can also add to the Huga space, to your Huga moment.
Speaker 1:Many believe that Huga is one of the reasons Denmark often ranks high on global happiness indexes. The concept helps Danes get through the long, dark winters by focusing on togetherness, relaxation and the simple joys of life. To integrate Huga into your life, focus on what makes you feel relaxed, content and connected and try to incorporate more of those elements into everyday routine. You can also do the togetherness part if that's what you like. Back to the Fika stuff spending quality time with friends and family. So while both Huga and Legum hail from Scandinavian cultures and overlap in some areas, like simplicity and contentment, they each offer a unique approach to life. Where Huga is about the warmth and coziness of the moment, legum is about the ongoing balance and moderation in various aspects of life.
Speaker 1:I freaking love, and I think that's why I wait to go up to my vampire lounge until it's dark outside. So think of Huga like you're inside and it is a big snowstorm outside and you're under blankets and you have your fireplace going and candles lit and you're sipping hot cocoa and reading a good book. That feeling you get. That's Huga and I. You can go back and listen to the bougie as fuck episode that I recorded not too long ago and it's talking about like the lighting in my house and stuff. That's because I've been preparing to get all Huga like for my cozy fall and winter times.
Speaker 1:I need that comfort and especially after the weeks I've been having like I needed to raise my vibration and get back into feeling like I'm aligned, because I've been in like a do-do phase and I am using these concepts and Huga is absolutely my favorite. I have a lot of candles, I lie and I just I curl up in a blanket, I wear a snuggie, I've got cozy pajamas like I. I've been watching comfort videos. I've been watching the I think they call it like the safe stuff, like not high stakes things, like good witch, which is like a B level show in my opinion, but it's just, there's no drama or anything, and that's what I need. Gilmore girls oh my gosh, that is a good one. Like you, do this Huga stuff. Turn on some Gilmore girls, zone out. It's just the feel good warmth on the outside, bring that warmth on the inside type of thing, and I don't know about you, but I crave that. When it starts getting cold out, I need to start turning in and this is part of my process of turning in.
Speaker 1:So highly, highly recommend practicing this cozy lifestyle, embracing the, the turning inward, and having a quality of life that is very, very comfortable, by using simple things Like freaking light in a candle, turning lights down low, like wrapping yourself in a blanket and just sitting there. You know it's okay, you don't have to be doing and I'm talking to myself here you don't have to be doing stuff all the time, you don't have to be a part of hustle culture all the time. Create yourself an evening routine and find your joy in that, and those simple little life pleasures are going to raise your vibration and make you feel a lot better, to where you can more easily get where you're supposed to go. Because that's what the series is about, right, like aligning with where you're supposed to be and let me tell you, if you're in a toxic relationship, you're not supposed to be there and getting you where you need to go on your journey. Because I do believe, like the whole energy of the universe is, you know, putting you in a flow of where you're supposed to be. But if you need, if you want to get there quicker, you have to align with that and these are the concepts you use to align with that. It's just, it's worked in my life, it's worked in many people's life and it's a start, especially if you are trapped in a shitty relationship and you don't know what you can do outside of you think, oh my gosh, well, I need to start by just going to a divorce lawyer. No, that's really tough. You start by changing your mental self and your mindset and you do these shifts slowly, unless you're in a dangerous situation and you need a call for help ASAP and check out the resources in my show notes. But you know, if you're just miserable and you know you need to change, you can start incorporating these little simple concepts. It is really not that hard and I promise you they may seem like little simple concepts but they are going to create big game changing consequences.
Speaker 1:I hope you've enjoyed this episode and before I go and I do my whole recorded piece that I don't even remember what it says. I think it's like hey, rate and review, blah, blah, blah. I just want to give a personal thank you to everyone who has been reading my book and leaving reviews and supporting me in this journey, because the whole idea behind this is to help other women and that's why I do this. I don't do it for me, like I don't do it for me. It is nice to talk about these things. It's very hard for me to talk about these things, but I do know that this is my calling in life. This is where my energy alignment put me to help you, and that's where I find my joy is knowing I am helping you. So thank you so much If you've been helping me and supporting me in purchasing the you're not stuck book and listening to the podcast and spreading the word.
Speaker 1:Thank you so much.
Speaker 1:It's probably the best thing you can do.
Speaker 1:If you ask me, what can I do to help spread the word?
Speaker 1:Remember the statistics? I think it's like what? One in three women in the US is an abusive relationship or has been an abusive relationship. Tell them about the podcast, tell them about the book. Let's spread the word and help them, because can you imagine? We have some brilliant women who are not able to share their gifts with the world because they're under some douchebags control. If we can set them free, they could be world changers. Hell, they might be able to cure cancer. I mean, they could have, like so many possibilities if they're able to flourish, and I want to help those women get there, and I think you do too. So spread the word. Thank you very much for your time and stay safe out there and go do some feakin. Thank you so much for listening.
Speaker 1:If you love the show, please leave a rating, a review, and if you know anyone who also might love the show or who could benefit from this information, please be sure to share it and subscribe. The more we get this out to people, the more people we can help, and I truly believe there's so many women who need to hear these words, because so many women are filling stock. Also, if you're looking for me, you can usually find me on the ground at author Cat Adams, and be sure to head over to my website, and that's catadamsadamswiththedoubled'scom. Subscribe to my newsletter for the latest information. Also, when you subscribe, you're going to get free novella. And just be forewarned, my Oronti romcom is as dirty as my mouth. So if that's your thing, go for it. It's super hilarious. But thank you again for tuning in. Until next time, please stay safe and I'll see you on the other side.
