You're Not Stuck
From rom-com author to women empowerment advocate, Kat Addams guides women on the enlightened path to becoming unstuck. As a domestic abuse survivor, she tackles the nitty-gritty of what it takes to liberate yourself and embark on a journey to freedom from miserable situations. Kat’s no bull-shit approach to self-transformation includes shameless insights, progressive practices, and spiritual growth with a heavy dose of humor and f-bombs. If you’re looking for a sign to leave, this is it. You’re not stuck. Join the journey and start taking charge of your life by listening now. New episodes drop every Monday to start your week off strong. Also, Mondays suck. Kat's here to make it better.
You're Not Stuck
Embracing Wintering: Personal Growth, Yule Traditions, and Crafting a Joyful Holiday Season
This holiday season, you better sleigh, witch.
Grab your cozy blanket and settle in as we discuss Yule traditions and how you can tailor them if you're feeling stuck in a toxic relationship or an all around crappy situation. We'll jingle our balls, drink wine with trees, and set out to smash the traditional garbage we hate and create a wintering lifestyle we love. So come along and find your joy in the debauchery and shenanigans during the winter solstice.
Thank you so much for listening! I hope you enjoyed this podcast. If so, please leave a rating and review so we can spread the word to the women who need it the most. Below you'll find links to my website, social media, and resources for victims. If you believe you're in danger, please seek help immediately. There are people out there who want to help and who truly care. Myself included! You're worth so much more.
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It's time to wake up witches. I'm your host, cat Adams, and I'm here to remind you that no matter where you're at in life, you're not stuck. Welcome back to the show. I hope you're enjoying your December and you are wintering in a Huga style. If you don't know what Huga means, you need to go back and listen to my podcast about Danish traditions, because it's all about romanticizing your life in a comfy, cozy way. We all need that, especially as we end the year and the days are shorter. It's dark all the time. We're just holed up in the house. I'm here to help you do the same.
Speaker 1:I've been doing this for about two or three years and basically just kind of shutting down and living with the seasons. I've talked about that before again in another podcast. But this is the season that I just I hibernate and I celebrate my accomplishments throughout the year and I kind of turn in words and I just relax and I reflect. But I also have a lot of mental energy at this time of year because I'm turning in and I'm resting and I'm reflecting and I've got all this stuff in my head and all these great ideas and they come to me in the quiet, and that's usually how it happens in life, right? You know when you slow down, when you be still, that's when shit clicks. So I'm super excited about everything that's just clicking lately and all these things that are falling into place, and I'm going to get into that a little bit later because I've got some exciting. I guess I could say it's exciting.
Speaker 1:It's not, it's not like news, but I want to do a podcast a little bit differently than I normally do and it's going to start in January and it is about weight loss. I know, right, you're not stuck at that weight you don't want to be at, and you all know I'm all about, like, healthy living and you know, just being happy with yourself, whatever that looks like to you. But I do want to talk about something that I have a lot of knowledge about and I'm sharing my struggles with and yeah, so I'm excited about that because I have some stuff going right now and I'm like, oh my God, I want to record that podcast right now, but I want to give it a couple weeks so I can make sure what I'm doing is working and it's not going to be a load of bullshit for y'all. So, as I'm recording this, it's December 3rd. It's going to. This one's going to go out, I think, like the second week of December, because y'all know I try to batch record. That usually doesn't work out for me. But but I'm going to give this a couple weeks and then I have to share some news with y'all regarding one of them like number one New Year's resolutions, especially in America, which is weight loss, and I know it's like a touchy subject, right, we need to love our bodies no matter what. And true that I am not going off the deep end. I just want to share some stuff with you because, if you didn't know, I was actually a personal trainer back in the day, so I've got tips and tricks and all that good stuff to make you feel good, and you know I'm going to put some mumbo jumbo in there and some witchy shit too, so that to look forward to, and I'm so excited to be planning that while I'm doing my turning inward.
Speaker 1:And also recently on Instagram, I announced my break from social media, which kind of officially started a while ago. If you've noticed, I have not been present on the tick tock, haven't been too present on Instagram I'm more present on there than tick tock. I just I struggle with social media y'all, and I've talked about it so much. I'm going to talk about it again, but I'm taking the break so I can do this wintering, turning inward, focusing on myself, and come back a better version, a better version of me, and that's what life is all about. Like, you can think you have your shit together, but there's always something you can improve. There's always something you know that you can strive toward. There's always a goal. You can always create these things for yourself to keep improving. So that's kind of what I'm doing this winter, and I can't have social media in my head while I'm doing that, cause I'm doing some tough shit y'all and I hate making like content. I hate making.
Speaker 1:So Instagram if I post on Instagram, then I have to put like a pink preset on it, right, cause you have to look like all standardized and brand on, brand and stuff for Instagram. Then I have to make sure it's cropped to fit Instagram, have the preset on it, then schedule it and then you know, do all the hashtags and stuff which I ain't got time, and same with TikTok. It's just too much for me, it takes up too much of my time and I want to spend my time focusing on me. So I'm taking a social media break. I'm not taking a podcast break, although I am taking one week off that last week of December but I am yeah, I'm still reachable, mostly on Instagram. I just don't get on TikTok as much, but you can always get in contact with me at catatomscom as well and reach out to me and DM on Instagram if you need me.
Speaker 1:I'll try to post here and there, probably on my stories, especially towards the end of the year when I've got some fun shenanigans going on. But I just need to break because I need to focus on me and I'm giving myself permission to do that. So I'm giving you permission too, cause I need to hear this from myself. It is okay to step away from social media, and every time I do that, my stuff takes a hit, and I've spent years building up my audience on Instagram and Facebook and TikTok or whatever, building my brand, doing those videos, building my content, and then, like, once you stop logging on, the algorithm sucks balls and it's like I'm not showing you to anybody, and so I always have this thing in the back of my head. That's like if I miss one day, the algorithm's not gonna show me to anybody, but the truth is it's not really working now anyway. So I'll give a shit, I'm gonna do me in the way I wanna do me and the rest will just fall into place like it's supposed to be at some point in time. And that's how you gotta embrace it. And again, I'm talking to me here. So if you don't see me, I'm giving this like a three month thing. If you don't see me in three months, that's why. But again, I'm always reachable, so you know how to get in touch with me.
Speaker 1:Now on with the show. I want to talk about you traditions, all right. Or you know, if you celebrate Christmas, whatever you're celebrating, there's all kinds of holidays going on. I think there's oh my gosh, I'm brain farting, isn't Kwanzaa right now? It's like near or something. And then there's Hanukkah and all kinds of stuff. Y'all I don't know. I'm sorry, I'm not schooled in this. I am schooled in Christmas because I was raised in a Christmas household, but now I'm being schooled in Yule because I think it's so amazing and I'm not a follower of the Christian path anymore. I'm much more just like to live, you know, with the seasons and natures and stuff, and so I was doing some research on Yule and let me tell you a little bit about it, okay, so Yule is also known as Yuletide.
Speaker 1:It's an ancient festival historically observed by the Germanic peoples Germanic Germanic I'm probably butchering that y'all, please forgive me. Its origins are complex and multifaceted, intertwining pre-Christian pagan customs with later Christianized reinterpretations. So today we're gonna be talking about some traditions, but these are traditions that you're gonna use to get out of y'all toxic relationship. So these are some things you can do to find peace and to find hope. So I'm so excited to talk about this and I'm so sorry if y'all hear stuff in my background. It is a crazy wild madhouse here today and I'm trying to get through this cause. I'm about to take my daughter dress shopping for her winter dance Fun times y'all fun times. If you ever need motivation to get out of a toxic relationship, just think that your children are gonna be teenagers one day and they could pick up some bad habits from your exes, like bad attitudes or just snarky behavior, and that's a lot of money you're gonna spend on therapy. Take it from me, okay. Taking a preteen dress shopping y'all oh my gosh, oh my gosh. The attitude.
Speaker 1:All right, I'm getting off on a tangent here, but let me talk about yule. So the pre-Christian origins, yule's roots are deeply entwined with ancient Germanic midwinter rituals. It was primarily a pagan festival celebrated as early as the fourth century. These festivities marked the winter solstice, the shortest day of the year, and celebrated the rebirth of the sun. It was a time of gathering, feasting and honoring deities, with a yule log especially chosen log burned on the hearth as a prominent symbol. And that's what I wanna make this about, y'all. I want to make this podcast about celebrating the rebirth of the sun, and that's like celebrating the light at the end of the tunnel, celebrating that there is hope and that there next year you are just going to be in this place that you've been working all year towards. Like it's all about hope. So I could go on and on about how it's connected to the God Odin, and burning the yule log symbolizes the desire for the sun's return.
Speaker 1:Let's see what else does it say? You can incorporate things like mistletoe and holly and blah, blah, blah, blah. And then it talks about the resurgence. I'm reading from an article, y'all. It talks about the resurgence of neo-pagan groups like Wiccans and witches and how they use this. But I'm gonna kind of alter it to how I feel like we should use it.
Speaker 1:People and by we I mean people who are stuck in situations, particularly women, stuck in shitty relationships and doing that inner work to get out of those shitty relationships. So we're gonna incorporate some of these traditions into the way we feel right now. And by the way we feel right now I mean stuck. But this is stuff you don't have to share Because obviously if you're in a toxic situation, you don't want your husband to know bitch, I'm doing this tradition so I can get away from you. That could be dangerous. So you can keep this to yourself. But just know you're doing it for you and you're doing it because you need that peace, help and motivation to leave his stank ass.
Speaker 1:So I don't know, part of me always feels like super mischievous when I do sneaky stuff like that, like ha ha ha, I'm pulling one over on you and you don't even know it. You know, I felt the same with the whole visualization thing that I told you all about some podcasts ago, when it's like do the visualization, you can just lay down at night. You know, when you go to bed and your husband's snoring away and just you're visualizing you're on the beach with a sexy exotic man, y'all it's fun. Just take my word for it. It's fun, especially I know this sounds so petty and horrible especially, though, if you're dating a douchey man. This is a little way to feel like what's it called? It's not really short and Freud I don't know the word for it Just like a satisfaction of, hey, I'm lighting this candle MA for, but it's not so you can enjoy this candle. It's so I can like be reminded that there's light at the end of the tunnel. Asshole, that sounds so horrible, I know. But hey, man, you gotta do what you gotta do when you're in survival mode and you're stuck with a douche bag. Seriously, like all is fair, all is fair. I ain't here to tell you all. Like shit is sunshine and roses and be the angel on your shoulder. Okay, you should know that by now.
Speaker 1:So some of the traditions are the Yule log, which is you know, we already talked about it burning to symbolize the light returning. I freaking love that so much. A decorating with evergreens, a feasting gift, giving candles and lights, yule altar, singing and dancing and something called and I'm gonna butcher this pronunciation too you know what. Hold on, let me ask Google how to pronounce this so I don't sound like a fool. Oh my gosh, that would have been awful. So I was gonna say with my Tennessee education was sailing, but it's wassaling, y'all it's wassaling and I never even heard of this. Apparently, wassaling is the tradition involving singing and drinking to the health of trees in the hopes that they will produce a good crop the next year. It's a form of ancient apple tree ritual, sometimes still practice in rural areas. I am gonna be wassaling because that sounds amazing as shit Like why didn't we adopt that in our Christian Christmas, right? I mean, all the other stuff is like duh, you got the feasting and the evergreens and the candles and the altar, but whatever, we're gonna talk about how you are going to take these traditions and make them your own, even wassaling. I am gonna get on that train.
Speaker 1:So for you to find some meaningful traditions this year, if you're stuck in a crappy relationship, I want you first to focus on lighting candles for hope. So lighting candles is, you know, a traditional Yuletide practice for the return of the light and, as someone who's experiencing domestic violence or a toxic relationship or a shitty situation or just a miserable marriage, lighting a candle can be a symbolic act of hope and new beginnings. So I would choose a special candle and light that each night. And then you're going to each night reflect on your strength, your resilience and the return of brighter days. And this can be any candle. This can be a candle you got on sale at Bath Body Works. This can be a candle you go out and you specifically choose as your new hopes, new beginnings candle. Or this can be a witchy candle. It can be, you know, one of those chime candles where you're like carving stuff on it and putting all of these witchy oils and herbs on it to, you know, like cast a spell. You can do any candle you want.
Speaker 1:Whatever floats your boat, just pick a candle and light it every night and just know that is what you're going to focus on is the return of brighter days, cause I can guarantee you the brighter days are ahead, the brighter days are coming in. They're brighter than you could have ever freaking imagined, and I wish I knew this stuff when I was like in the thick of it, because I would have so needed this. Like I need some kind of symbolic hope to keep me going, to get me through. Like you know, take it day by day. Know you're going to light that candle at night and your brighter days are coming. You have to truly know it. I promise you, like it is amazing on the other side Amazing it is sunshine, rainbows and unicorn farts. Like you're going to love it. So I definitely adopt that as the first. Probably I feel like that would be my tradition of choice that I would pick because that was, that's like an easy one and that means a lot.
Speaker 1:And then also you could do the planting of new life. So engage in some kind of activity that symbolizes growth, like planting a seed, nurturing a plant. Go buy yourself a house plant. I've never really been like a house plant person, but this year I bought a Fiddly Fig in a I think it's called a Montsera and it is so freaking awesome, like they're actually thriving. I never knew I could do that. It's I don't know. It makes me feel better seeing greenery. So you can buy a little plant or even a bouquet of flowers and put it on your desk. That greenery is the symbol of life. But I recommend planting something or at least transferring it to your own little plant pot, as in symbolizing growth and a new direction, and planting roots and starting a new chapter in your life.
Speaker 1:And then you can also make a safety and hope you'll alter. So, instead of traditional Christmas altar or whatever kind of altar you're used to setting up, you can set up a small space that symbolizes safety, hope, strength or whatever it is you need to get you through these dark days. And you can put crystals on it y'all my favorite, right. You can put protection crystals. You can put rose, quartz you know, the symbol of love, because you need to love yourself. Amethyst, the crystal of peace right. You need that peace in your life. You can put small figurines like guardian angels or an animal. If you feel like you're connected to a spirit, animal or a deity, you can put your affirmations on there, photos of loved ones, whatever brings you peace, whatever makes you feel hopeful, whatever makes you feel safe. Put that shit on your altar and just know like these are things that are important to you. And you look at that altar and you feel like this is my sense of peace, this is my safe space. This altar is like mine.
Speaker 1:And, again, if you're with a toxic partner, you don't have to make this obvious. Just decorate your mantle the way you usually do, but put those things on there that you know when you look at it not necessarily anyone else looks at it, but when you look at it that is your symbol that you're putting up there for a brighter future, for better days ahead, for peace, for safety. That is your reminder every time you look at it that you're going to get through this and that only you alone can save yourself. And you know this Every time you look at it. I need you to remember that, that no one's coming to save you. You can save yourself, and you're doing these symbolic things to remind yourself that it is possible.
Speaker 1:Everywhere you look in your house, in your environment, in your atmosphere I don't know, and this is what I do I have things around my house letting me know the way I want to live and things that make me happy, things that make me joyous, things that make me remember where I'm going in life. I don't have oh, this is going to sound horrible, never mind, I'm not even going to go down that route. I'm looking at it now. I have a really awesome pink neon sign that says support your local girl gang. If you read the DTF series, you know that was the slogan with that series. Support your local girl gang. I'm all about that. I have that. I have. Oh, this is snarky, oh, this is horrible. But I'm going to tell you all.
Speaker 1:I have this flip calendar thing that's got these funny sayings, and one I have up now says men have feelings too. But really, who gives a crap? I know Horrible, right, I just have stuff placed around me that reminds me. And going back to that one reminds me my trajectory in life, where I want to be, where I'm going, and it's just, it's good stuff, and those things don't even have to speak out. Maybe you don't even have sayings, maybe you do have some kind of deity hanging up, or maybe you have an angel figurine or just something that reminds you that you can't lose hope. You have to keep pushing forward one step ahead, every single day, even the present moment. You're going to get there. You can do it. Every time I say that, I'm reminded of that Adam Sandler movie and he's like you can do it all night long. So you got your candle, you got your altar, you're putting little things around your house that remind you of your resilience, brighter days ahead, and now we're going to go wassling.
Speaker 1:I almost said wassailing, well sailing. We're going to go wassling and y'all know this is my favorite. I have been walking for an hour every single day, even when it was like 40 degrees outside. I got me this like Parka Lincoln jacket and I have been walking and I've been loving it. And that's what we're going to do. We're going to go on nature walks and y'all know I am a huge fan of nature walks. So get outside, bundle up. There's like no bad time to go outside, unless there's like a tornado or hurricane or whatever. But even if it's cold you can bundle up. Get on something cozy, get your scarf on, get your cute little earmuffs or whatever you're wearing, put your gloves on, take the kids out. It is so grounding and healing to walk in nature and even like now.
Speaker 1:I know this whole wassailing thing like this is something that needs to be done like once a month. I don't even know why this is a traditional. I want to sing to the trees and drink to the trees. So my recommendation is go on a nature walk, get one of those Ooh, we can make this so fun. Y'all. We need to get one of those like a cup that has a lid on it but it doesn't look like a wine cup and you put your wine in there.
Speaker 1:So you're walking around the neighborhood and the neighbors aren't talking shit about you because they think you're just drinking coffee, but really you're drinking wine, or you can drink coffee. Or you could do something like a mold cider or a mold wine because I think that is also a tradition, right, like mold cider, mold wine. I don't know how to make that, maybe even. But but put that in there and just go on a nature walk with your drink and just if you want to be super weird, toast to the trees Thank you, trees, like may you see brighter days ahead too and plant your roots in the ground or whatever. Make it as weird as you want. And if you don't want to look like a psycho and have the cops called on you for some weirdo toasting the trees outside, just do it mentally, do your walking meditation, have your drink be present in the moment, and I mean you can sing to the trees too. I don't know, that's even weirder, but it's kind of cool. But I would just oh, you know what you could do, and so you don't look so crazy.
Speaker 1:You could have your AirPods in and you could be playing some type of music that makes you feel good. It could be traditional, like Christmas holiday music, maybe. Do that. Or something more soothing or classical or something. Listening to music, having your drinks and taking a nature walk that's basically the same thing as toasting to the trees and singing to the trees, right? Oh my gosh, I'm going to do this now. This all just came to me and I think this sounds amazing.
Speaker 1:I'm going to go lossylin. I think I'm going to do it this weekend For real. I'm going to tell my husband we're going to go lossylin. He's going to think like, what in the world do you got into now? But you know what, he rolls with it. Whatever I say. I'm like, hey, we're going to take a moon bath and we're going to put some milk in here and some flowers. And he's like, okay, whatever you want. It's amazing and that kind of support is part of your brighter days ahead. You're going to find it, you'll get there.
Speaker 1:You could also do some crafting. You know making like wreaths with evergreens or you know acorns. You find like making some kind of decorations out of that. Stringing oranges like dried oranges, string popcorn, string cranberries any kind of those mind-numbing things will also kind of get you to relax and focus on just something else. So your mind's blank. If you need that, if you need to like check out, I highly recommend that I do it, usually like pulling weeds in the spring or the summer, if I just need to like check out of my brain, and then you could do that. The same with making like those garlands and making those crafts.
Speaker 1:I don't know, I'm not very crafty so I don't really do this stuff, but it's an idea. Or even baking cookies you know making a meal and you could tie that in with another tradition of giving, giving to your friends or community. Bake them something, although I don't know I'm weird about that. I don't like to eat stuff from other people's houses. I just don't, and that makes me look so rude. I know I look like the rude person, but have you seen some people cook and they let their dogs lick off the spoon and stuff Like no, I ain't about that life, I ain't gonna do it. So if that's not your thing, go buy some cookies at Costco and give them to. I don't know. I gave cookies to like the firefighters one year or something, or something like that. But I've also been volunteering for some domestic violence, shelters. You can do that.
Speaker 1:There's a lot actually right now that are looking for, you know, like the angel trees and people who can't, you know, afford to have a nice Christmas, or even any Christmas, any Christmas gifts. Donating to a food bank, working at a kitchen, any of that stuff, giving back, that is also a tradition. You can start, and it can be as little or as big as you want. You could do an anonymous donation, you know, like 20 bucks somewhere, or you can go out and buy a gift and put it in one of those toys for tots boxes or whatever. Whatever makes you feel good. I mean, there's so many opportunities to get back, so many opportunities to volunteer. I would definitely make that a tradition, because that to me, is like, oh my gosh, it makes me feel amazing. To make other people amazing makes me feel amazing. And then, last but not least, I want to share something that I'm going to do as a new tradition this year that I think sounds so much fun. You might not, but I do.
Speaker 1:Y'all know how I feel about my sunrises. I love my sunrises and you can do a solstice sunrise observation, and that means witnessing the sunrise on the day of the winter solstice, which, if you're in the US, I believe that's the 21st. That is the core of Yule and it can be an amazing experience. Now that also symbolizes the return of light and can be a moment of personal renewal and hope. And, oh my gosh, the sun is rising again. It is a new beginning. That is like I mean, how can you? It can't get any better than that. You got your candles, you got your sunrise. The light is there, it's yours for the taking. You just got to get up and get it. And if you don't want to get up at 5 am to see the sunrise, I get it, I get it, I get it.
Speaker 1:I'm still going to say try it, because it really is like it's just life changing. I freaking love seeing sunrises. Sunsets are great too. They're like a different feeling. But a sunrise is like man. It is the whole growth and new beginnings type feeling you get with a sunrise.
Speaker 1:And if you're seeing a sunrise on Yule and just take that moment of solitude and quietness and you don't even have to tell anybody you're doing it just sneak out, sneak out of bed, sneak out of the house, you know, go in your backyard, front yard, wherever you see the sunrise and just watch the sky Pinkening is out of word, pinkening lighting up and breathe and reflect and know, hey, man, like it ain't dark forever, like you, don't worry. Oh my gosh, is the sun coming up tomorrow? Oh no, is it always going to be like this? Hell, no, you know, the sun is always going to rise and you need to feel that way about you. Two, you need to know that you can rise to.
Speaker 1:You can create your own brighter days. I Don't care how dark, do-do deep, you are in right now. I promise you you can create those brighter days. So do that sneaky shit, you know, like the altar and the candle, like the ha ha. You don't know what I'm doing if I'm saying you know, if you're in a crappy relationship, but even if you're not, if you're just like all alone and you're like, well, I don't, I'm not in talks of relationship, I don't need to do this to for yourself.
Speaker 1:Anyways, like you can always benefit on growth, you can always take journeys to a better you. You're never gonna be perfect, but you can always reach goals and milestones in your life that make you feel better, that make you do better, that make you think better, that make you, make the world better. That's what it's all about. So I hope you've learned some stuff today from some of these traditions and these new traditions or old traditions, or However you want to shape them in your life. Maybe you're already doing some of these I know I'm doing some of these but I am definitely gonna be drinking the trees and Getting up at 5 am To see that solstice sunrise, and I hope you will join me. So stay tuned.
Speaker 1:The next episode is all about Celebrating you, which is so freaking exciting and so fun, and you're gonna freaking love it. This episode was about some new traditions, but this one, the next one's gonna be more about, like you know, new year, new you celebrations yeah, yeah, yeah, I can always talk about it, and then I'm gonna get into the new year stuff, cuz I remember I'm taking that break the last week of December. So until then, stay safe and know that that there truly is brighter days ahead. You just have to take that first step and decide to grab those brighter days by the balls and get them for yourself. Thank you so much for listening.
Speaker 1:If you love the show, please leave a rating, a review and if you know anyone who also might love the show or who could benefit from this information. Please be sure to Share it and subscribe. The more we get this out to people, the more people we can help, and I truly believe there's so many women who need to hear these words, because so many women are filling stock. Also, if you're looking for me, you can usually find me on the ground that author, cat Adams, and be sure to head over to my website. And that's cat Adams Adams with a double D's comm. Subscribe to my newsletter for the latest information. Also, when you subscribe, you're gonna get free novella. And Just be forewarned my or on to rom-com is as dirty as my mouth. So if that's your thing, go for it. It's super hilarious. But thank you again for tuning in. Until next time, please stay safe and I'll see you on the other side. You.
